Saturday, December 12, 2009

A Little Stressed...

So, I had a mini-breakdown yesterday.  The month of December is always a big stresser for me.  Its the end of the semester and I'm usually behind in grading.  Its the end of the year and we're usually starting to run short on funds (even without the health issues that came into play this year).  Its usually a little dismal weather-wise, so that has a negative effect on me.  Its the time of year I reflect back on the last year and realize all the things I had WANTED to do that I didn't do, for yet another year...So, I had a little breakdown - a little cry...

I think I've rallied a bit today.  My husband, who is often a little unaware, has been fantastic.  He went out and did Christmas shopping today - yes, I said HE did Christmas shopping!!!  That is a huge relief because I usually have it hanging over my head and I really hate Christmas shopping overall, but ESPECIALLY at the last minute! So, that has been fantastic.  In addition, I have been able to accomplish quite a bit on my to-do list (which is the size of Mt. Lassen right now) in the past couple of days.  But, sometimes I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels.  I do the same things over and over and over and over and it doesn't leave time for me to get the additional things done.  For example, I feel like I have to clean my kitchen two or three times a day...and of course, it doesn't stay clean (in fact, its a mess right now).  I finally got the dining room cleaned up two days ago and now the table top is no longer visible.  We cleaned a space in the garage to put the bassinet so we would have a space for the Christmas tree in the living room and now there are boxes in every room of the house needing to be unpacked/sorted through AND there is a giant pile of stuff that needs to be sorted and organized in the middle of the garage floor.  I've done load after load of laundry over the past couple of weeks and there are still a number of loads to be done.  Its never-ending!

So, I'm starting to realize how overwhelmed I have let myself become by letting things go.  I am very much a "out of sight, out of mind" kind of gal, and when something pressing is happening (e.g. Mackenzie's health issues), everything else just gets thrown in the metaphorical drawer to be sorted through later.  But, my drawer is now overflowing - in fact, I probably have a dresser full of stuff or more - and I'm running out of room for it.

I realize I have to take more control of things in my life.  I need to take things out of the drawers and at least put them in see-through containers where I can spot those things that are starting to cause a problem before they become a problem instead of just letting things go and go and go and go...

Procrastination is definitely my major, major weakness and it needs to stop here and now.  I sometimes procrastinate about ending my procrastination....so, I'm not going to make this a New Year's Resolution - I'm going to make it a December 12 resolution.  I am really going to start to do things now that I can do now and to schedule everything else in and stick to the schedule, no matter how painful that may be.  Again, its all about prioritization.  But, I need to remember how crappy I felt yesterday and it will help me if the reason I'm doing things is to avoid that feeling!

What are the rest of you changing as the new year approaches?  What are some of the things you changed over the last year that you are particularly proud of or happy with?  Give me some encouragement!!!

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